Author: Chloey Turner

Some of my thoughts on School, A levels, leaving certs and grades etc, because I’m back in the UK and I’m hearing about it everywhere..

I imagine there are many different emotional responses with A level results out across the country – ranging from pure joy and relief to disappointment and fear.
For those that are celebrating results, after the last couple of years we’ve had, it’s incredible – Huge congratulations, enjoy the celebrations and whatever career path you choose. I always admired the students getting those grades 😅🙌🏻

For those of you that are upset with your grades and left feeling a little defeated – I’d really just love to remind you from experience that poor grades are nothing to do with your capabilities, your worth & value as a human and it certainly doesn’t mean that you can’t go on to achieve your dreams and make a difference in this world.

Maybe you’re not even sure at this young age what it is that you want to do and where you want to go. It can be a confusing time. But that’s ok, clarity will come to you soon 🙏🏻 confusion is normal.

To say I was unengaged at school would be an understatement, I was struggling to learn and had very little support.
A maths teacher of mine told me I was living in a fantasy world wishing to be either a dancer or an Olympic running athlete 🤔

“What’s wrong with living in a fantasy world” I would ask.
Oh how It would be lovely to meet this teacher again now!


My hope is that the school system will make some changes and encourage the creatives and not just the academic. As of now I don’t believe this is happening, certainly not where I grew up anyway.

This blog post isn’t me suggesting that school, education and grades aren’t important- of course they are. Colleges will look at your grades, many employers will also look at grades, what I’m saying is that there are still plenty of opportunities for the non academics, like myself.
I certainly appreciate those that are academics, I mean, where would we be without them. The doctors, the scientists etc 🙌🏻 bless you all!

One of the biggest, most important lessons I’ve learnt is that the shitty, disappointing, confusing times are an opportunity to look inwards, reflect & learn from the experience and as cliché as this sounds now – these times are an opportunity for growth.
I didn’t learn this at school!

My school troubles stuck with me for many many years, in fact today, I still have to do a great deal of ‘unlearning’. The words, “I’m not a smart person”, for example stuck with me and would go on to affect me in many ways, it became a limiting belief that I held on to and that would often hold me back. This came from my early life at school and me looking at my lack of grades and education and believing that only the top students became successful.

Not all learning is done in school. I learn, I learn all the time – I learn what I want to learn, what brings me joy, what I’m passionate about and what is a aligned with my purpose.
Really, we are forever learning – it’s not just something that you do until your 20’s at school. Educating yourself is a lifelong pursuit and this world is full of hope and opportunities now, for those with and without top grades from school, it really is!

A lot of the people that I admire and learn from through the books I read, podcasts I listen to and the courses I take on are by people that have overcome all sorts in their lives. Many of them were school drop outs and experienced lots of adversity throughout life, but they’ve ended up being the most remarkable people and with such beautiful values.
There are many many success stories of people who “failed” at school.

As an insecure young girl who skipped A Levels, got ungraded in maths and was told I wouldn’t amount to much, but who presses on and continues to learn to live a life that is authentic and aligned with my values, I’ve come to truly believe that the world rewards not only the A* students, but the passionate, the persistent, the humble & the kind hearted.

I just wasn’t an academic and no matter how hard I could have tried, I did not have a maths brain or a passion for math. To have been told back then that that was ok and to be encouraged to head down a path that would suit me more as an individual, I may not have suffered as much as I did with my mental health and wellbeing. It certainly didn’t help.

I’ll leave you with this..

Your grades do not define you and your future. The real world will reward you for your kind, giving heart more.

And as the lovely Steven Bartlett says, “Your life is a result of your actions, not what mark you score on a test when you’re 18.

Thanks for reading.


With love and gratitude,

Chloey x

“If we make self-love or body acceptance conditional depending on the size of our bodies, we’ll never be happy.

The reality is that our bodies are constantly changing, and they will never remain exactly as they once were, they simply weren’t designed that way. And if we base our self-worth on our bodies we will forever be on an emotional roller coaster of obsession, guilt, and shame.”

– @iamchrisyking

I like to journal frequently and recently took the time to write a letter to my body, because honestly, since I retired from professional dance my body has naturally changed. I’m no longer doing 8 2 hour shows every week for months on end. My work and training life is a very different now. I’ve spoken to many other retired dancers and their own bodies changing has been a real challenge for them. I get it!

Over the years I have made not very kind judgements towards my body. This topic could be a novel all of its own, but throughout my career as a dancer exercise was mostly about how I looked. I’d look in the mirror each morning to make sure the six pack was still there. It’s no longer there and truly, I no longer strive for it. I’m learning to love this home of mine (my body) and appreciate everything it has done and continues to do for me.⁣⁣⁣
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I have set some training goals, but I am dropping the “I’ll be happy when” story because quite simply it’s a silly story as I’ll not be happier when I’m 20 pounds lighter, that’s not how it works. I’m going to enjoy the process and be kind to my body along the way.⁣⁣⁣
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In my mind and heart, I’m happier and more content now than I’ve ever been and I do hope that if you struggle with your own body image that you can find some gratitude in all the good your beautiful body does for you!⁣⁣⁣
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What would you write to your body?

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Dear body,

Thank you. You are my home and the first part of taking care of you is by truly loving you ♥️ I realise this now, it took some time!

You have gifted me with the ability to hear, to see, to touch, to speak, to laugh, to cry. You allow me to feel – to feel happiness, sadness, fear, love, desire, confusion, joy,
muscle aches (lol) .
You’ve enabled me to breathe, to walk, to run, to dance, to live!
You’ve allowed me to experience this world in so many ways and you continue to do so,
And in-spite of the abuse I often give you, you’ve always held me up.

I certainly owe you a few apologies.

I’m sorry for the times that I exercised so incredibly hard and with little fuel in me. The times that I believed my face and you were what gave me value and that in order to be liked, to be loved, accepted and even employed, that you must look a certain way. I decided that if you didn’t look a certain way that you were not good enough.

My complex mind does like to take over 🙃
and I recognise that you would struggle to help and communicate with my mind when it was harming you so much – even though you are connected , you have often felt extremely disconnected.

The overwhelming emotions that showed up throughout the years I now realise were trying to tell me something, YOU tried to tell me things and so often I wasn’t in a position to listen my head only loved to take over and wasn’t great at connecting with you.. But it certainly tries now!

Although, not an easy task, I will do my very best from now on to not compare you to others, I promise to listen to you more and to treat you better. I exercise now not to punish you but to make you feel good.

In spite of everything, you haven’t given up on me and for that I’m immensely grateful.

Although this society is screaming at me to have you look a certain way, I’ll do my very best not to fall into these new “norms” that we so often witness and are told is what real beauty is!

This is for certain, I will not take you for granted again. My mind is healing and learning to treat you from a place of love and health.
I hope that you’ll allow this complex mind of ours (we are connected and now communicating) to continue to heal, to un learn and to love!

Without you, I wouldn’t be me and for that I am Extremely grateful.

Thank you for being my forever home.

Chloey 💕

As many share their highlights of 2021, I’ll share some of my personal challenges & lessons learned from this year. Perhaps some might resonate with some of you.

I thought this year would bring clarity as to where on this lovely Earth I wish to settle, however, I still have no idea. Some days I feel free, lucky & excited by this – as many of my posts have shown – but other days a little scared with a sense of unease.

The lesson/reminder: Surrender & trust. Leap & the net will appear. When it’s meant to happen, I will figure it out, but also, maybe it’s ok to be a bit of a nomad!

I’ve often looked back at old photos of myself in the height of my Riverdance career. Currently, I am 20 pounds heavier. I am by no means over weight &, in general, A LOT happier & healthier.  That doesn’t mean I don’t long for the time when I could eat whatever I wanted, had two hour shows every night, traveled & didn’t have to worry too much about staying lean! It’s a lot harder now.

The lesson: Being 20 pounds lighter & having a six pack didn’t bring happiness! I must continue to remind myself of this.

I have popped onto Instagram far too often & compared myself, my work, my love life (or lack thereof), amongst other things, to others, & not once has it made me feel good. I’ve wasted a lot of time. I could have been studying a little more, working on my book, focusing on myself, strumming the guitar I said I’d challenge myself to learn, but, instead, at times, I found myself here just scrolling away.

The lesson & actions that can be taken here are self-evident!

I am aware when old conditioned narratives and habits pop up (which in itself is great–awareness is huge!), but it takes a lot of work & skill to be able let go of attachments from the past. I meditate often & practice yoga both on & off of the matt, but I am also a human being & by no means enlightened. I am still very much working on all of those chakras being aligned.
It will be a continuous practice for the rest of my life! A practice the whole world would benefit from.

The lesson: Continue to create space to observe & be curious when dipping into old habits, & when the inner critic creeps in, take time to observe it, manage it with compassion and kindness.. I ask myself “What would be the most helpful thing for me right now” and “what do I need.”
I try to speak to myself as I would a child or a friend when the critic shows up. Again, it takes consistent practice.
At times, I can be reactive & exacerbate a tough moment into something much worse. I remind myself that everything is impermanent & this too shall pass!

Sometimes this year, as I reached for my anti depressant in the morning, I’d judge myself. I’d tell myself I shouldn’t need medication, a pill . Then I’d remember how hard I’ve fought for better mental health & would feel a sense of pride and gratitude. I mean, I’m still here, I’m alive, I’m well, & for the most part, I’m content .

The lesson/reminder: I am not weak, broken or crazy for taking medication. Not everyone will understand & that is ok!

Far too often, I feel & think that I’m not doing enough. I know this comes from comparison—really that’s what most of us are doing when aimlessly scrolling social media.

The lesson: Stay in my own lane! It doesn’t matter how others are doing it. There’s only one me.

Overall, as each year passes, the relationship I have with myself does get much better &, therefore, I’m getting better at showing up for others too, which is wonderful because I feel the best version of me when of service to others;  for this I’m so grateful. I find life a whole lot better when I accept & embrace the challenges life throws at me, when I don’t judge myself for every tiny blip—like my relationship with technology, for example. I’ve almost thrown my laptop many times!

I hope you can begin this year with peace & not worry if every goal you had set for 2021 wasn’t reached or if you’re not in the place you hoped to be. It’s been a tough couple years for most, just getting through it is huge! Cut yourself some slack. May we remind ourselves that we cannot change the past. We can choose to let go & move forward with a little more awareness from the lessons we have learned & with new actions.

Concluding with a gentle reminder that the relationship you have with yourself is the foundation of wellness, keep that with you this year!

Have a beautiful New Year all! x

• • • Positive vibes only.
    • #Goodvibesonly
    • Stay positive.
    • Don’t worry, be happy.
    • Get out of your head.
    • Just go for a walk.
    • Stay motivated.
    • It could be worse.
    • What do you have to worry about?
    • Just be grateful.
    • Just do “this,” just do “that…”
    • Well, that happened to me too.
    • Look on the bright side.
    • Everything happens for a reason.

    
    

   

 

 

Certainly, most people don’t intend any harm with these kinds of comments and suggestions, but they very much smack of gaslighting in their absence of genuine empathy. They invalidate, minimize and oversimplify the harsh realities of real, human experience, whether directed outwardly to others or inwardly to oneself. It’s the emotional equivalent of watching someone badly fracture their leg and saying, “Eh… just walk it off!”
If this pandemic has taught us anything, it might be that invisible/unseen threats – germs, viruses and, yes, emotional experiences and states – shouldn’t be discredited, downplayed, minimized and/or oversimplified. Emotional & psychological injury, pain and trauma are every bit as real, serious and severe as a visibly broken leg. Toxic positivity is apathetic, forced, insincere and can lead people to further anxiety, isolation, pain and unease. Sometimes, it can take everything in someone’s power to express how they feel. Often, we simply need a compassionate and PASSIVE ear to which to vent without all the excessive “positivity,” solutions and suggestions.

 

Toxic positivity seems to be something of a pandemic, especially during an actual, deadly pandemic in which social media and its insidious, obligatory ideal to “live your best life” (or, to pretend to) is our main, if not ONLY connection to others. Social media fosters the projection of a constantly, disingenuously and unnaturally happy, high-achieving, productive, successful facade. Nobody is all of these things all of the time, nor should they feel compelled to pretend to be. The human experience is BOTH the yin AND the yang. How could one know happiness without sadness, let alone the very human nuance of bittersweet-ness?

 

I recently had a conversation with a dancer who opened up about the negative emotions she was feeling, yet her Instagram told a very different story. If you’re posting to social media frequently, look at your last few posts. Are they authentic or are you projecting a disingenuous image of your life and self to mask anxiety, discontent, pain, etc? Are you looking for a dopamine rush from “Likes” & “reactions,“ even unwittingly, perhaps? It’s important to bear in mind that “Likes” & ❤️-reactions are NOT the currency of a fulfilling, genuine life! We all deal with stress and various emotions differently. If you haven’t kept up the “positive vibes,” kept smiling, redecorated the house, started a thriving business, got your front splits, done a handstand, counted calories and gotten ripped abs in this last year, that’s OKAY!

 

Full disclosure:

– I have put on a little more weight than I would have liked.

– I look at my phone too much and also compare myself to others.

– I make mistakes most days.

– I spend far too long finding a filter for an image or video to post and I overthink EVERY word I say online.

– I am an expert procrastinator.

– My monkey mind likes to worry about the future more often than not.

– I struggle with loneliness at times.

– I am desperately trying to grow my business. I am certainly not thriving financially, however, many people tell me that I am “smashing it” during lockdown. I have my doubts as to the accuracy of such statements, but, like you, I am simply doing my best. I AM a Human Being!

 

I am, however, not embarrassed by any of that and now able to sit with all emotions (the good, the “bad” and the ugly ones) and not pretend that I have my shit together at all times! To pretend, to suppress —this is just unnecessarily exhausting. I wore the “positive” mask for far too long. Putting on “positive vibes only” will ultimately lead to more distress. Trust me, it’ll catch up with you!

 

My continuing journey and fascination with eastern philosophy, yoga and meditation has taught me far more than the physical postures involved. It’s being aware of my thoughts and feelings—mindfully sitting with them. Being able to accept all parts of myself is literally liberating. I truly believe that we can all find more peace and ease when we connect with ALL parts of ourselves—managing every part of you with compassion, even the dark parts that we try so desperately to hide. The very foundation of wellness is the relationship that you have with yourself.

 

I encourage you to be authentic, mindful and okay with vulnerability, and to not need to constantly portray yourself as ecstatically happy and 100% all of the time, whether in person or online. We humans ALL have our up-days and down-days, just like waves have both crests and troughs; respectively, both states are essential and intrinsic parts of human-ing & wave-ing.

I find the occasional digital detox to better assist in achieving mindfulness by shutting out all of the distractions and “noise” of social media. I highly recommend it!

 

 

-Chloey x

If you have dedicated your life to competitive and/or professional dance, then what happens when your career ends? If you’re no longer a dancer, who are you?

Many dancers begin their career as toddlers and go on to compete for several years, putting in copious hours of vigorous training a week. In addition to school and social lives, entire weekends are often dominated by competitions. Some may then have the opportunity to tour the world as a professional.

Dancers often personally sacrifice so much in order to pursue their dreams. We leave our families for extended periods of time and miss out on cherished events and time with loved ones. Some of us leave school for a once in a lifetime opportunity to tour. Some of us give up relationships.

There is very little that can compare to the feeling of being on stage every night, receiving standing ovations, being in the best shape of your life (and being able to guiltlessly eat an insane amount of calories), traveling to some of the most beautiful places in the world and meeting great friends from all different backgrounds who become your family. It truly is the Good Life!

But what happens when that comes to an end? For most of us, this occurs more or less around the age of 30, or, perhaps you were forced to retire due to an injury at an earlier or later age. Maybe you were ‘let go’ from a professional show. Ultimately, we all will have to face the difficult questions: What do you want to do now? What is your plan?

People would often ask, “Wow, how do you perform that many shows a week for that many months at a time?” They marvelled at the dedication and time that HAD to go into our training. Dancing athletes tend to be considered strong both physically and mentally, as we no doubt are, but, we’re also human beings. This stereotype can make it even harder to admit when we need some support.

If this is a worry and you feel you’re struggling then it’s very important to seek support. It’s ok and more than understandable to feel a bit lost. It’s an extreme lifestyle change and you’re likely to feel as if you’re starting over again. It can be overwhelming and very tough to adapt to ”normal life.”

I’ve dealt with this myself and have seen it in so many others. It can be a time that can make us vulnerable and susceptible to anxiety and depression. It’s a loss, and can, therefore, be a time of grief.

Sadly, I have been the witness of many a dancer being ‘let go’ by a touring show, taking the professional dancer by surprise. In fact many people don’t get the option to leave on their terms. The majority of people in show businesses must face the fact that one day their employer(s) will move on, whether you’re ready to or not and this can leave you questioning yourself. “What did I do wrong? Was I not good enough? Is it my height? Weight? Look? Or is it all of those things?” Unfortunately, I’ve seen this many times.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m not a psychologist or therapist, but as a former professional athlete with the experience, knowledge and wisdom I acquired on my journey, I feel more than qualifies me to give some advice:

• It’s important not to have your ego & sense of identity solely based on your role as a dancer. It is essential to have other interests and plans in place.

• It’s natural to want to give back to dance after having lived and breathed it for so long. Determine how you may do so, whether it’s teaching, choreography, strength and conditioning, etc. There are many ways to remain involved in an art form that you love and cherish. Giving back to the next generation can be extremely rewarding!

• Ask for advice. A sports psychologist, occupational therapist, your family and friends, they’re all people that could help!

More and more, athletes in all kinds of sports are talking about their struggles after retiring. Please know that these feelings are normal. Let us collectively abolish any stigma related to the end of our beautiful, professional dancing careers and support everyone as best we can.

If your dream is a career in professional dance, as mine once was, it can be the most incredible experience of your life.  Just be mindful that in this industry you’re on top one minute and the next you could find yourself without a contract. Drop all expectations, be present and thankful for the opportunities.

Ride the wave!

Chloey Turner ♥️

No matter how much you plan ahead, practice and prepare, sometimes things just won’t go according to expectation & plan. I have often witnessed dancers seeing their ‘disappointments’ as evidence that they are not good enough.

My struggle with anxiety caused me to have a fear of judgement for most of my life. I’ve always  been a massive over-thinker and had the desperate need to be liked. This can make putting yourself out there and sharing your work and experiences quite scary. I’d often think, “What if people don’t like what I’m doing? What if I’m seen to fail? What if no one shows up to my events and workshops?” Etc.

My anxiety and fear hasn’t gone away completely. I’ve come to accept that it may never. I have also come to realise the following:

If you’re feeling vulnerable or fearful, it means you care. Personally, I’ve never done anything of value that I wasn’t terrified of doing.

Being brave doesn’t mean that you’re not scared and that you don’t have fears. Being brave is about being afraid and going for it anyway. I’ve come to embrace my vulnerability and am happy to share it.

Once you can finally let go of your fears and realise that judgment is unavoidable, you have great intentions and a kind heart—you can do wonderful things.

Why is it that we could have 99 people love us and one person that doesn’t and we focus on the one person and let it upset us? That one person can take away your power; don’t let them, ever! The only opinion of you that really matters is your own, truly. As the great Jim Carrey said, “When you truly don’t care what anyone thinks of you, you’ve reached a dangerous level of freedom.”

People will always judge. So be it. Let them. It concerns us not! We’re too busy daring greatly in our respective arenas.

Chloey ♥️