‘While It is true that you are not alone, the mind can have you believing otherwise.’
‘While It is true that you are not alone, the mind can have you believing otherwise.’
In checking out the latest stats on mental health, the World Health Organization states that In 2019, 1 in every 8 people (970 million people around the world) were living with a mental disorder with anxiety and depressive disorders the most common. (1) Many being very serious mental health conditions and however uncomfortable it can feel to talk about my personal experience with the mind struggles, I do consider myself to be a mental health advocate and someone who feels it’s important to share personal stories.
By the time you read this full blog many more people will have taken their own life and as unbearable as that may be to hear, it’s the reality we are facing!
Hearing others share their authentic experiences on these topics over the years has been very helpful in helping me not feeling alone in this and so I simply have to do the same for others.
Please keep in mind that I am sharing my personal experiences with depression in this blog. Mental Health is complex and what works for some, might not help others.
While It is true that you are not alone, the mind can have you believing otherwise.
When you can’t quite articulate why and how you feel a certain way to yourself, attempting to talk about it to others can feel exhausting, isolating and at times impossible. If that’s you, I understand.
like so many, It took me years to talk about how I felt to someone (other than my dad). I’m glad I did eventually and although initially this person didn’t quite understand what I was telling them, It was a huge step and one that I wish I’d have taken sooner.
Perhaps a lack of education and understanding on mental health disruptions can leave people feeling a little helpless and awkward when someone expresses how they feel. There certainly was a lack of education back in 2011, I’d barely hear of this mental illness thing being discussed. Awareness is a start but we’ve a long way to go for sure!
My advice here would be to simply listen if someone is willing to talk to you about how they feel, without you feeling the need to fix or do. Whilst your intentions are not to cause any harm, it is possible that they can. Can you just be there and hold space? Can you empathize and offer support? Maybe even asking, “How can I help you right now?.” You don’t have to try to understand, and you likely never will fully.
While signs are there, they’re not always easy to spot. Personally, I think I became quite the expert at wearing the mask, I don’t believe that my tour friends and acquaintances had any idea of the extent of what was going on in my mind for so long. I had become a rather exhausted actress!
It’s also just hard to imagine that somebody performing to thousands of people each week on stage could possibly be battling frequent panic attacks and depression. it was tough for me to come to terms with myself and so I did my very best to hide it. I simply couldn’t allow myself to be this person.
I mean, how could I possibly feel such sadness when I had not only reached my goal as a performer, but exceeded it to become the lead dancer in one of the worlds biggest shows? Well, apparently depression doesn’t work like that.
If the stats I read on mental health are accurate then it’s highly likely that there are many performing artists today struggling quietly also. If that is you reading this, I am more than happy to listen to you, please do not be alone!
Everyone recovers and/or learns to live with it differently, just like the very reason why a person can be suffering can be so different from one person to the next.
I spoke a while back about an emergency need for a doctor a number of years ago, the doctor prescribing me a high level dosage of medication and putting me on a waiting list for counseling. I just knew this wasn’t the only answer and I struggled to understand this “chemical imbalance” thing and so I went on to research more and try to understand this all a little bit better.
I no longer take any medication at all for my mental health and am very proud of the work that I put into my mind-body every day. It’s an ongoing process for sure, but nobody should feel ashamed or be shamed if they do need to take medication for mental health management.
While therapy and counseling wasn’t (or should I say hasn’t been a great option for me so far), I recognize it to be a wonderful option for others. I would like to see it become even more accessible and more affordable.
I will admit that there are some days I feel as though I’m going backwards and like most, I feel the weight of this world right now, it’s certainly not an easy place to live. But we are here and we deserve to be!
My recovery up until now is a super long story, but I do have some tools that seem to be working well that I will share, one of which is being better at reaching out to someone without feeling like a burden.
If I were to share a couple more of my biggest tools in the box in this moment, it’s the understanding that the mind is going to think, that’s its job!
I won’t always like the thoughts and emotions that show up, but I’m better at creating distance from and not attaching myself to them. I am very aware that my thoughts are not me in totality and I do not need to act upon them all. I’ve now meditated enough to realize this!
That space between a stimulus and a response (the famous Austrian psychiatrist Viktor E Frankl talks of this) is where the magic happens.. Reminding myself that I have the ability to choose a better response instead of “throwing myself back into the hole in the side walk” is helpful, I mostly now choose to walk around the hole! I will leave a poem by Portia Nelson at the bottom of this post that explains this.
I am able to give myself grace when the difficult thoughts & feelings arise just like my dad was always able to do for me. Knowing that they WILL pass as they always have done is a lovely reminder to myself. I hope this will be a gentle reminder to you too, if you need it.
Basically, I now allow for myself to feel how I feel with far less judgment, I acknowledge vs avoid how I feel and for the most part, I can accept it (some days this is hard don’t get me wrong). I realize that I’ve gotten through it before and I can absolutely do it again.
I like Susan David’s work on emotionally agility, she says that your emotions are data and not directives. “No matter what you feel, those emotions are valid. They don’t need to be judged or justified, but neither are they entitled to run your life.”
There are many other important things for me to be able to keep my mental health in check such as having a greater purpose, helping others in my work (although on the tough days I struggle with supporting others) and setting boundaries! If I were to go into detail on these things it would be an even longer novel, so I’ll leave it at that for now.
I believe that if we can all be kinder, get better at listening and a little less judgmental, it would be a wonderful place to start for everyone to have better mental health, and creating space for it to genuinely be ok to not be ok is super important. Sadly, you’ve only got to open the comments section on social media posts from various people across the world to realize that we are very far from this. I feel I live in a fantasy world with my hopes for this!
As humans I believe we all want to feel a sense of belonging, to be seen, heard, acknowledged, truly valued and accepted as we are.
The world of health & wellness can be overwhelming to say the least.
I had a little giggle with a friend about this recently as we discussed how stressful it can feel as small business owners to create content, be creative, remain authentic and not lose ourselves trying to be like everyone else. We agreed that maybe it wasn’t our job to create more confusion for our followers and that being a little quieter and occasionally putting out some simple tools is what we are here to do amidst the noise, plus it puts less pressure on ourselves.
Social media can be a big stressor/trigger for me! We discussed..
Moving your body in a way that suits you!
Breathing a bit.
Get outside, hydrate and eat nutritious foods.
Connect with people - I’m not always great at this one, it’s always been easier for me to recluse myself but it is important for me that I connect with the Right people.
Being surrounded with people and having little to no connection with them can and has at times made me feel worse. I value meaningful conversations and being in an environment where I can absolutely be myself with those that I trust. My pool of friends is very small!
Many people that suffer with depression will likely socially withdraw, but as humans we are hard wired for connection. I used to just think of health and wellness as exercising, sleeping well, eating well, nature walks etc etc, but I’d been doing all of these things consistently forever. I was a dancer, an athlete, I took my physical training very seriously, so if this was the answer, then why was I still so anxious and depressed?
What I didn’t consider were other things such as the limiting beliefs I’d developed and not let go of since childhood, whether I felt connected to others, felt supported, loved, had a real sense of community, amongst others things.
A reminder - I am not an expert on depression, I am someone with a lived experience of it and I have shared some of what helps me to continue to live with it.
Depression can rob you of so much. There are things I haven’t discussed in depth that are rarely spoken of. For instance, the ability to learn and retain things - I struggle with this immensely! I believe it all to have had a huge effect on my memory. I’ve heard that it can do this, although I don’t know the science and research to back that up. It has affected my work, motivation, bank account, relationships. I am single btw and I’m sure to remain that way if my future dates read my blogs (haha). But I’ll tell ya what mental illness has given me and things I’m very proud of:
Empathy, awareness, kindness, generocity, less judgment, genuine authenticity (hard to find that today), a serious work ethic (when I’m not exhausted from my mind that is), courage.. See, it’s not all bad! These are some of my values that I try to stay aligned with each day. It’s helpful!
Anyways, there’s some deep thoughts and a “little” update from me this Mental Health Awareness week.
Back soon when I can muster up some energy for more stories & insights! Maybe next time it will be a real novel ;)
Take care for now! Sending hugs to all.
Before you go, check out this poem below. I think it’s great!
Ask yourself, how many times do you keep making choices that only lead you into the same “hole in the sidewalk?”
Is there a particular pattern of behavior that you could break this week to help improve your mental health?
There’s A Hole In My Sidewalk – by Portia Nelson
- Chapter One
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost… I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
- Chapter Two
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place. But it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
- Chapter Three
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in… it’s a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault… I get out immediately.
- Chapter Four
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
- Chapter Five
I walk down another street.
References: https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/mental-disorders
